“The decision to kiss for the first time is the most crucial in any love story. It changes the relationship of two people much more strongly than even the final surrender; because this kiss already has within it that surrender.”

That's kinda funny that you mention that, Emil Ludwig, because ours happened in the first 15 minutes.

I hope that doesn't take the romance out of that quote for you ladies and gents, but its true; and I find the truth is often more exciting, stranger, and a lot more enticing than fiction. And if you are interested in my story, then I have to tell you the other half of it. 

I grew up on the West coast of Canada expecting certain things from the people I met; mostly the laid back sensibilities and quick humor I know West coasters are known for. What I never expected was anyone I could actually relate to; I am quick on my feet, but my black humor always put me aside for most of the time with people. So after a particularly brutal relationship, and some time realizing I enjoyed time on my own a great deal, I thought about perhaps trying to widen my net of contacts- via online dating. I didn't really expect anything from it, except a few bad dates and some funny stories to tell to ward off anyone else from dating online. Oh but that's when life hands you your own behind...right when you think you've got it all figured out.

I met "S" as he will go by, on a wonderful July day two years ago. We had spoken a lot on the phone, but I expected from this date, what I did from the other horrible ones I had had; "he's going to go in expecting some sort of 10 and I'm a certified 6 at most, and then I'll have to awkwardly escape again!"

So I was determined not to be put on the spot by someone I don't know. I told myself, I'm gonna give him 15 minutes, and by that time if he has proven himself a douche, I'm outta here. So I sat in the sand of the beach, reading a book in my sundress, waiting for him to find me. The next thing I know I'm staring up at a very tall, rather handsome red-haired guy asking me if I was who he thought I was. I was happy to reply yes and asked him to sit down in the sand with me. We then talked a bit and right away I knew something was different about him. First off, he wasn't an arse- which was a really big relief after several horrible dates I had. Secondly, he was smart, very smart and quick, which I found completely irresistible. But the biggest thing that hit home with me was that he didn't mind me being a smart-ass, or putting him in his place, or playfully baiting him. In fact, he rather enjoyed my humor...and 15 minutes later, after walking down the beach hand in hand, we kissed. So I guess in Ludwig's term's I may have surrendered rather quickly, but I haven't regretted it a single day since.

Love very much is a surrender of one's will to something greater. Our will pulls us in every direction that will keep us from taking chances at being hurt, or embarrassed, or judged. That's probably what I take away most from the story of our first date, that I was so sure of how things would unfold because I was weary of the world and the people in it thus far that I had met. But Love doesn't give a damn about you being jaded, or lost, or confused. When it comes along its like a one two punch you cant avoid, and when you realize what it is, you submit yourself fully to it. I cant honestly say it was love on that first date, but I knew it was something, something I never had before, and I was curious enough and risky enough to want to know more. I would mark it as one of my bravest moments, as well as one of my scariest, because I knew right away that I didn't want this, whatever it was, to pass me by, and I wanted to know this person more than anyone else. I am happy to say after two years, I think I know him better than anyone else indeed.