"The world has grown suspicious of anything that looks like a happily married life."

Oscar Wilde was an interesting character. He dedicated much of his creative life to the writing of human relationships, and as such, probably was a natural born cynic. It also didn't help that at the time, his penchant for men made him a somewhat wealthy, but social pariah. It doesn't surprise me then that he most eloquently put this quote together, which many today prescribe to- there's no such thing as happy union, more often in marriage, its a state of mutual indifference more than anything.

Well, Wilde, as much as I like the Importance of Being Earnest, I'm going to have to go to the mat with you on this one. Because as naive as it may seem, I do believe in a happy marriage, and I do not suspect that the appearance of one thing means another. In other words, I call bullshit.

 

Hmm handsome chaps aren't they?

So, why should one not be suspicious of a happy union? As a certified cynic in some ways, and downright optimist in others, this one I fall on the latter side of. I think its perfectly possible for two individuals to be happy in marriage. However, I think its virtually impossible for either of these two individuals to be perfect, and that perfection necessitates happiness. Rather I think its the back and forth, and chatter of marriage that makes unions fall apart and some stay together. 

Perfection is great in theory- who wouldn't want a perfectly affectionate, caring, appreciative partner? But the thing is, perfection can be extremely dull, or rigid, or dare I say it, suffocating. The fact that you have to live up to perfection steals away one's individuality, because lets face it, if you really want to be perfect, you have to cut off pieces of your personality to make yourself fit with the other person. Nay, I say, perfection is not the way to a happy marriage.

A happy marriage is fraught with imperfections in fact. He talks too loudly. She nags him all the time. He has trust issues. She's a fighter. But the couples who make it last are not those who focus on the cracks in their partner, but rather adapt to those imperfections and are honest with themselves about their own. These individuals understand the inherent imperfection of everyone, and also the good qualities that often outweigh the negative ones.

I will never believe someone has a perfect marriage- because such a thing does not exist. I can believe however that two individuals who value, and love each other enough to adapt to one's imperfections, and constantly work at them by communicating, will stand the test of time.

It amazes me how so many people go into a marriage expecting their partner to be perfect, and then 10 years down the line, file for divorce because well, they found their partner dull, or he never did the dishes or helped out. These imperfections, rather than being talked about, are "put up with" for a number of years- or one's attempts at changing said imperfections are concluded in resentment and dislike. Because the problem with trying to completely perfect an imperfection is that well, you will soon realize that only so much of that problem will be fixed- your partner can only go so far. A small amount, or a large amount of adaptation is needed if you want to make the situation work- and its amazing how many people forget that.

Needless to say, I think the world we live in is tempered by a cynical or apathetic look towards marriage. Its an archaic institution built on the foundations of maintaining family ties and property ties, to some. Its a social death sentence to others. Ultimately, it concludes that a lot of these views stem from a belief that marriage is an innately flawed system of relationships that will end in mutual unhappiness. Now, I don't know about you but that's quite a bleak outlook to have about anything, let alone marriage.

At the end of the day, what the majority is missing is that imperfection is inherent to human nature- don't go out there and expect to find Mr. Perfect, because he isn't there. There is however, a smart, caring individual, with just as many flaws as you have, who is willing to see you for your better parts, and understand you for your worse ones. Now, that may not be perfect, but dare I say, its a chance to be happy if you care enough to try.