“It would be very glamorous to be reincarnated as a great big ring on Liz Taylor's finger.”

I personally think Warhol has very interesting take on reincarnation....

Andy Warhol was one of the first artists to really uncover and popularize the cult of celebrity. From his piece on Marilyn Monroe, we had the picture of celebrity being mass produced, all encompassing, and a sought after goal by many. At the same time, tragic figures like Monroe still encapture the public's mind even now. It is no surprise then that in the modern age of technology, and twitter, that everyone but everyone wants a little piece of fame to call their own. What this begs the question is of course, does being engaged now elevate someone to being famous in their own circle?

* Kim Kardashian's Ring, for example, and this article comparing her's to others*Ring a Ding Ding

I had a very interesting discussion about this quote with a few friends of mine. We drew a lot from it and I wanted to share with you the kind of moral quandaries a lot of us found ourselves in, when we were trying to justify the cult of celebrity spreading into the wedding industry. The topics we found ourselves on were, why are weddings so big now? Who is this really all for? Whats all the glamor about, and most of all how we are defined as women by marriage or engagement through certain symbols, and why we have engagement rings.

Today I want to touch on the issue of engagement rings and what I went through in thinking about what was the right choice for me. I'm sure this post will incite quite a reaction, so I'm providing a bit of a disclaimer- this is totally my opinion ladies, so don't take it too much to heart

When I first started thinking about engagement rings, the first thing I went to was diamonds- the glamor, the romance of it all appealed to me greatly, and I never stopped to wonder why. What I know now that I didn't know then, was in the industry diamonds were the catchall phrase of what your spouse was "supposed" to afford. As soon as I started looking into them, and the prices, and then the ethical aspects of diamond mining I went into a dead stop. I realized I was completely ignorant of the real reasons why I wanted this kind of engagement ring, and decided for myself to look for alternatives.

I will admit, at first it was really hard for me. I had to get rid of the illusion of it all; what if my spouse doesn't love me as much if he doesn't get this ring? Am I horrible for wanting him to spend this much? I came to my answers quickly, because I realized I had bought into the cult of celebrity that often goes with weddings and engagement- I wanted to be more special than I am, and I wanted everyone else to know that and not judge me, depending on the ring that I had.

Realizing this made me see a lot. I realized that I had pushed myself into a certain box. I also realized that I shouldn't be judged by the kind of ring I have, and nor should anyone else for that matter. It also made me come to terms with the fact that engagement rings are thus a social symbol; they promote a sort of idolatry in women's circles and that as such, rings that should be just symbols of commitment and love are rarely ever that. I had to consider all of these issues when picking out a ring, because nothing shocked me more about myself than realizing....wow, I actually bought into all that stuff.

I personally had to reassess my own reasons for wanting an engagement ring. I wanted something that followed my SO's tradition, and I wanted something he would be proud of. Just stating that though, points to the second part of how this symbol works; it allows others to judge the intentions of your future husband to be. I learned the way that men are also pushed into being in a box as well; they must find a ring that says to everyone that they are something that they already are; they are already committed, sweet people-materialism should have nothing to do with it. Its insane to think that all of this is around a simple piece of jewelry, and thus I started looking into smaller, craftsmen jewels and trade to find a ring.

At this point you are probably wondering why I still wanted an engagement ring at all, after realizing all of this. Well this brings me to the most pertinent part of purchasing an engagement ring; tradition. Tradition is inherently allocated certain expectations, and a way of doing things. Now, "S" and I are from different cultures, and thus different traditions, but I understood from early on that the ring and the proposal was his tradition, was his part of what he wanted to do. To say I didn't rage against tradition a bit would be a bit of an understatement, because I did have to come to terms with the fact that this is something he really wanted to do. No matter how much I questioned his reasons for feeling a certain way, I had to respect his decision to get me something that he was proud of, and wanted to give me. I felt I needed to respect and be part of his tradition, as well as the fact that I still believe I could find something that didn't buy into the materialism of it all as much as I had in the past.

So I started looking into pieces (and yes prices) that I felt were far more reasonable for two poor broke students to save up for. It was during this that I first discovered Etsy, and the wealth of personal and craftsmen oriented pieces they provide. I was really very green to the place, but I started looking around for gemstone engagement rings; I hadn't seen one in ages, but in my culture gemstones are much more fashionable than diamonds, and I wondered why it never occurred to me. Immediately I fell in love with the colors and options available to me, at prices that didn't make me feel like I was taking advantage of my SO. Somehow the search for the perfect ring had turned into "our" quest, the quest to find something reasonable, that worked with our values and traditions. I learned a lot about my SO in this period, and all of it made me very proud of him. I loved that he was willing to go beyond what we both thought a ring should be. 

The seller we finally agreed upon was Mastergoldcraft, a husband and wife team that have been in business for quite some time now. I was surprised at how warm these people were, and also how they were using Etsy as a way to reach a specific demographic- people interested in gemstones that were set in unique settings, and something which was essentially on a much smaller scale than most jewelry stores. All of which I found very appealing. The thing is, often on a smaller scale, a business is capable of quality controlling a great deal more; the resources for stones, including their certified conflict-free diamonds, all are more capable of being personally guaranteed because they work on a small scale business model. Secondly, I wanted to support a craftsmen artisan, something which in Vancouver we have a lot of (Granville Street, anyone?). All in all, I felt like I had found something I could go to my SO and show, and something which I felt reflected me a lot more authentically than before.

While most of my wedding site friends have seen the ring by now, I have decided not to post the one we picked on the blog because of friends and family not having news of the engagement yet (because well, he hasn't asked me the way he wants to yet!). So I'm going to have to keep you sans pictures for the moment. But I encourage you to check out Mastergoldcraft for pieces that I find are both beautiful, and for me, gave me a little peace of mind.

So where am I now when it comes to the cult of celebrity in weddings and engagements in general? I think its really easy for people to lose themselves in the midst of what we are told a wedding should be; we consult magazines and TV shows and expos and are told, "if you don't do this, or be like this bride here, no one will remember your wedding." What I realized from this was that I wanted people to remember the wedding as the most honest, sweet wedding they had been to, and that the candied confections, or the little details weren't what they remembered us for anyways. I guess I wanted to say most of all is that I don't feel like there is a need to be remembered for me, what I want is a day where my SO and I just focus on having a good time with friends and family, without the trimmings and trappings I'm told I should have. Of course I want to make things on my own because I always have (artist by nature), and of course there have been talks about flowers and what not, but I don't want that to be the be all and end all of what our wedding is about, and prior to this post, I think I really had seen it that way. The engagement and wedding are now just a celebration; nothing more, nothing less, and that's the way it should have been from the start. 

I guess this post is a sort of confession of sorts of what I have realized since wanting to get married, and I hope, dear readers, that you found it insightful and learned a bit more about me for it.